the Relentless Race

written 10/10/09

i went last night to the relentless conference. i really wasn't expecting anything. i was just stoked to be able to worship b/c i felt like i hadn't in a while. the worship was awesome as always.

the message was presented by pastor erin of one love. it was pretty good. he was really funny and spazztastic.

the main point i got from his message is that to START NOW for Christ! his scriptures came mostly from 1st Timothy. I should've writeen notes *sad face* but i came late from work.

there was a video he showed that i really felt God placed on my heart that was the reason i was s'posed to be there.

the first 20 secs of the video was unclear what it was about. there weren't any words or talking. just video and music.

the video showed a paralytic young man in an inflatable raft, being towed in the ocean by a man. my first thought was, man, that must be tough! i can hardly even swim for myself...and to swim for two!

then it showed the man get to shore to and pick up the young man and was carrying him with one arm under his back and another under his legs.

he was running through a maze of people. then i realized these two were in a race and the older man was the father and the younger man the paralytic son.

when i realized that the dad was taking the son with him through the race with the son just enjoying the journey--the wind through his face, the joy of getting to the finish line--i just started crying hard and couldn't stop.

it has a been a tough two weeks for me in which two days ago i had the thought of giving up.

it was weird.

at the time of the thought, i knew i wasn't actually going to give up, but my emotions and body were screaming "take the easy road! we can't do this!"

God heard my cry from deep within. i didn't need to say it aloud. he knew how much i could handle before i would've snapped.

to be honest with you, the things i went through were not NEARLY as rough as the things that Jesus went through when he died on the cross for us. but being the weak, feeble human i am, the lack of sleep, family problems, work issues, and the devil's lies from the past were catching up to me.

i thought to myself, the next problem that comes my way i'm just gonna snap!

well, he saved me once again.

it's weird.

my mood slowly was being lifted. it was another accumulation of God using the people around me to lift me back up.

many times i don't like to take encouragment from people because of a number of reasons. but this time God allowed my heart to be open and receive these encouraging words.

and through each one, i swear i felt like God saying "these words are from me. listen and accept."

back to the video.

it reminded me of the footprints poem in which the line goes "when you see one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you."

the dad in the video carried his son throughout the WHOLE ironman race. his son was incapable of doing any of the events. but the reason his dad did this is b/c he loved his son sooo much.

i know i am incapable....of sooo much.

especially the things He asks me to do.

but he does it so that He can carry me through to show His love for me.

He will carry me through the end of the race.

All God wants of me is to enjoy the journey.

His victories are my victories.

And that is the God i serve.

Awkward last post....

hey all!!

wow...it's been a while since i last wrote. my computer broke and i can hardly go online.

well, i left you guys and girls off with a very odd post about me crushing on someone lol! to me, looking back, i'm just kinda like "i can't believe i wrote that."

so a quick update since then:

****i went to the high school "CRASH" camp for five days. it was the MOST awesome experience of learning and spending time with God EVERRR!! i was able to be a part of baptizing one of the girls in my group. on top of that, i got some funky tans and i'm dark now (eeeek....)

****the week after i spend some time (ok, like a whole day) with the junior high-ers (amplify) going around the island. krystle and i were the leaders for a group of three girls. it was great! i bonded with one of the girls named bliss and now i see her around church all the time! she is a super cool young lady.

****ok, so the thing you've all been wondering about....I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ANYMORE! lol. actually, i'm too busy and focused on the Lord to like anyone.

****i am an official PAC RIM student!!! CHYEAH!

****just got a job working part time at Logos bookstore!! PRAISE GOD!

****still need to pray about finances...


in a nutshell, that's what's been going on. there's so much more little things that i wish i could update, but i gotta jet and work on other things. God is faithful even if we are faithless. He does more than we can ever see or imagine.

love you all.

*jackie

OH NOOO!!

the one thing i wanted to avoid during this season in my walk with God has happened...

i've developed a crush on someone...dundunDUN!!!

i remember when i first started feeling it i prayed and prayed to God to take this feeling away. it's been about a couple of months but this feeling of interest just keeps increasing slowly. i prayed last night about it...and i don't know how to react to it.

1. like most ppl, i've been heartbroken and so i'm REALLY cautious about being a relationship, if ever, i do decide to get involved in...
2. i actually and honestly DON'T want to like this person (if that makes sense)
3. i don't feel like this person would ever be interested in me anyway

i talked to my sis about it today and she said to not get ahead of myself. i agree. but it's SO hard when you have those weird feelings towards someone! i'm sure these feelings will pass, but it's just surprising to me b/c it actually takes ALOTTTTT for me to like someone....like, ALOT. growing up, i had a tough time developing those kinds of feelings towards guys. it could be linked to how my biological father left us and whatnot, iuno. as far as i can remember, this feeling i have is only the 2nd time i've had that like butterflys-in-my-stomach kinda feeling (it's not THAT much yet b/c i don't know him too well yet). but the first guy i had that feeling towards was...umm...a heartbreaker. and i know it's people's natural tendencies to be attracted to the same type of person, so ..yah...-=o\

so i've decided to avoid him as much as possible.

hmm....please pray that i keep focused on God. please pray for me for continued strength in this busy season coming ahead. and please pray that God protects my hearts and emotions because i am an emotional person (i really wish i wasn't).

thank you.

p.s man, hormones suck sometimes!

PRUNING LIFE

in this day and age where being busy is a GOOD thing and people are always finding something to DO, it's hard to take a step back and let go of an activity in your life to make time for something else...

well...at least for me...

it's kinda weird that i actually NEED to prune my life. just back before i was saved in sep 2008, i struggled to actually find things to do. calling up my friends for the next fun event was the only extracurricular activity on my list. when i decided to live my life for God, all that changed...

i fell in LOVE....

i wanted to doooo so many things for God and spend time with him that the tables have turned...i'm calling up friends to say i CAN'T go to the next fun event. now, doing things to further God's kingdom is great, don't get me wrong. but what i learned from pastor wayne is that when that passion is not magnified in one specific area, it can become dangerous. and the danger signs of doing too much was presenting themselves in my life.

i got two episodes of bad chest pains in ONE month...

so my prayer is this:

Lord, may we listen to your divine wisdom in handling our lives. let your hand be placed specifically on HOW we use our time and energy. i pray that you protect us from doing TOO much and on the other end, protect us from doing too LITTLE. give us wisdom in balancing our lives, because although there is much work to be done, you do want us to enjoy the earth and the life that you have so gracefully given us. may we "stop to smell the roses"...your roses...and God, as for me, i know a busy season is coming up and i ask for your divine wisdom in the area of pruning my life. may i listen to your voice as you guide me into the areas in which you want me to invest my energy for this season. i love you so much. my comforter...my strength...in Jesus' name. AMEN

Life in Moderation

hmm..haven't written in a while. i've been oober busy. which is good/bad. good: it's for the Lord, bad: i haven't had time to really reflect.

...and this morning i woke up with chest pains again.

OH!! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!! i kinda wanna say happy INTERdependence day b/c we are never fully independent anyway. but that's just meeeh.

i'm actually kind of..what do you call it?...sad? i posted this on facebook:

Jackie Kikuchi bahhh!!! i love God sooooooooooooooooo much!!! He is so good. i feel like there's nothing i can do to show how good He has been to me. today's devo gave me the chicken skin. Jude 1:4 "I say this because some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God's marvelous GRACE allows us to LIVE IMMORAL LIVES."

and then one of my "friends" on facebook posted this as a response:

"Well you are forgiven for all sins, so you pretty much you can live immorally. most christians i know take advantage of that. Hypocrites and assholes. Amen!"

wowwwwwwwwwwwww. really, how do you feel when you read that?

i guess some of us are immune to that kind of response. some of us already think that and agree. and then there are those that know the TRUTH--->christianity is NOT a belief, it's a LIFESTYLE. there are SOO many who don't know the truth, and for a good reason. it's a common fact that if you just "believe" that God exists, you are considered a christian. we grew up believing this. i believed this too! the difference between one who is a Christian and one who just believes there is a God, is that one actually intentionally lives their lives to be more Christ-like. thinkaboutit.

what grieved me most about the facebook incident isn't the response to the comment, or the person who responded, but what grieved me most was just the fact that as humans, we are sooooo foolish. SOOOOO FOOLISH! we make such foolish decisions and believe foolish ideas WHICH HURT OTHER PEOPLE. it really does amaze me to know how patient and loving our God is.

God is soooo awesome....

PHEW!! God gave me strength!!!

thank you GOD. you are seriously amazing. you are the BEST father anyone can ever have and ask for.

you gave me strength to get me through this crazy week. i love you. the way you love me is ridiculous and i don't deserve any of it, but i appreciate all of it.

the resonate launch party was a success. all the hard work was well worth it. as you have said, nothing you do for the Lord is useless...nothing...

keep blessing the leaders of new hope and leaders around this world Father. let us save as many of your children so they too can experience such love and joy and peace that the devil tries to steal away. but Jesus came and overcame the devil. He rose from the dead! what a sacrifice you gave us...

Lord, i pray for wisdom, patience, understanding and obedience in my walk. i just want others to know who they really belong to. thank you Father...for EVERYthing...

in Jesus' name,

amen.

Just Woke Up....SQUIRREL!

oops!

i did it again....

got lost in the sheets...and slept through the da-a-ayyyyyy.

haha. b/c i stayed up all night last night doing the stuff i was doing, i only had an hour sleep to get me through the day. tues nights is the women's ministry and i really wanted to stay up b/c we were gonna celebrate two of our sister's birfdays. unfortunately i passed out and it's 12:22am. i woke up just a tad too late. a TAD!'

i feel really bad, ESPECIALLY since this was a special day today and i'm trying to keep my focus on God and his promises for me. i wasn't up all night dilly-dallying, but doing His work.

tomorrow is my "day off" from helping my mom and it's gonna be another jam packed to the rim full of activities day. this friday is the RESONATE LAUNCH PART-AYYY! i was cutting fabric squares all day at the store and soon i gotta start making the favors. when it gets nuttzzz like this and my social life suffers there's two verses that encourage me:

1. "work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the LORD rather than for people. remember that the LORD will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the master you are serving is Christ." --Col. 3:23,24

2. "be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the LORD is ever useless." --1 Cor. 15:58

i love God. He surely knows how to comfort us with his Words and Promises.

today's devo i got: "teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud & not to trust their money, which is so unreliable. their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment." --1 tim 5:17

ain't that so true? money is the TOP thing that replaces God. it's so easy to feel security from it, but we need to remember...MONEY IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER. its value was given by mere humans. get some ink, put a number on a piece of rectangle paper and SMACk! you have an idol that many worship. lameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i fell into that trap too.

but you know what? i'm also learning that God wants to BLESS his children with not only riches in heaven, but riches on earth too. if we change our hearts and seek to spend money/our resources (which ultimately belongs to Him) to further his kingdom, He will bless us more abundantly than we could ever imagine.

and that my friends, is the TRUTH.

FIRST BLOG EVER!!! mommy, wow.....

sooo....i opened up a blog account. something i thought i would never do because i'm a pretty private person and i don't like everyone knowing a lot about me, but i felt like it was a necessary thing to do as an aid for my journey with God.

it's 3:49 am. through Him, i accomplished so much in the last 4 hours than i did the whole day. God really does inspire me and motivate me b/c if i did it on my own human strength, trust me, nothing would get done. when i was a baby, my mom said she had to wake me up just to feed me. yah, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

i filled out some of the form for pac-rim, completed my support letter (volume 1), and finished some stuff up for pursuit.

i'm tired but not tired. CHA KNOW?!

-=o)))))) love you all,

*jackie

p.s today i experienced chest pains. when i first woke up it was so bad that i didn't wanna move so i took a nap. when i awoke later in the afternoon, i didn't wanna waste the day, so through god strength, i drove to pac rim to get the app form and talk to my friend cammie. through prayer and rest, my chest pains are completely healed! thank you God!